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Bienvenido a Vancouver

Bienvenue à Vancouver

Welcome to Vancouver

More to come...

Leaving On A Jet Plane.

Today I am going to Vancouver.
Today I get to see my mother.
Today is a very happy day.
I'm in such a good mood, I don't even care that I am probably not going to sleep for a while.
It's fine.
It's Christmas.
I'm happy.

I Missed Your Skin When You Were East.

I truly never realized how much I would miss you.
I miss your unwavering company and attention.
You always made me feel better.
And now I've gone and made myself upset..
Awesome.
What a silly thing to get upset over.

Your Love Is Out, Believing Despite The Loss.

I am so confused lately.
Everyone, and I mean everyone has been asking about my well being.
I'm really not kidding.
Apparently I have had a look on my face or something to concern people enough about me.

I don't really know why.
I've been told before that I have a very readable face.
Which I have never had a problem with.
I guess it makes me feel more open to people

But anyway, back to my main point.
A complete stranger today held the door open for me.
He was quite good looking but that's besides the point.
He took one look at me and said "You should be happier, it's Friday!"
I didn't realize I didn't look happy.
Apparently I haven't recently.
I mean I feel alright.
Not 100% but who is all of the time, you know?
Yes I want break to come so I can see my family, but I didn't really think it would start showing on my face.
I guess it has.
And it's been unintentional.

Oh well.
Everything will be okay.

Tonight I hung out with Stephie and Annelise.
We had a crafts night.
I made presents for my family!
I hope they like them..



You do not make me comfortable.
I have never been so weirded out by someone before.
I guess weirded out isn't the right phrase.
I don't think I will be hanging out with you anytime soon.
To bad you don't know that yet.
I think it's funny how you think you're so suave.
Because you're not and you don't seem to realize that.
Oh well.

No First Dance, Freeze-Dried Romance, Five Hour Phone Conversation, The Best Soy Latte That You Ever Had, And Me?

I am doing alright.
And I'm content.
I think it has a lot to do with the fact Christmas is coming.
Family + Christmas(Presents) = Vancouver
Vancouver - 8 days = Mom

I seriously can't wait.

I feel like it sort of sneaked up on me this year.
Like one minute I was coming here to school and it was sunny and warm.
The next it's Winter and there is snow on the ground.

I don't like the Winter.
I have never really gotten used to the cold.
Which is weird considering I have lived in the North for like 13 years and I should be pretty used to it by now.
Personally I don't think anyone can get used to these types of temperature.

I went to the bookstore before class today to buy Christmas presents for my parents.
Grossly overpriced.
I could make something better then that for free.
It was a bit discouraging, not going to lie.

Today was a good day overall.
Except this list continues to grow...

Knife Casualties: 5
Burns: 7

Laugh Until We Think We'll Die, Barefoot On A Summer Night

I still need to edit.
Still very rough
Work in progress.
This is just excerpt:

        Five miles to go and it was raining outside. No, more like a torrential downpour. I was expecting cats and dogs to start falling from the sky at any moment. I was in a half state of warm and frozen. It was like the humid outside air was seeping in and tangoing with the cool air of the AC making my skin crawl with clamminess. My jeans felt tight and my shirt just didn’t lay on me correctly. Uncomfortable, isn’t exactly the word I would use to fully describe it. It was more then just uncomfortable. If I was uncomfortable, then it would be assumed that I was at one time comfortable. Nothing about this situation was particularly comfortable.

The Eagles softly crooned out of Daddy’s car speaker as we travelled down the highway. It was just him and I. He was gripping the steering wheel with tense muscles and I was fidgeting in my seat. What a pair we made. Mom wasn’t there with us. She was in Vancouver. In someways I’m happy that she wasn’t there, because if she was, I don’t think I could have ever gotten out of the car, in the end.

I felt heavy. Emotionally mostly; Nervous. I had practically chewed my finger tips off multiple times already. I know Daddy could sense it. The tension I exuded could be jack hammered it was so thick. He tried to calm me down, but I just couldn’t let myself relax. I had too many racing thoughts speeding through my head faster then I could ever possibly comprehend.

We were at the stoplight right in front of the gigantic building I could only describe properly as Hogwarts incarnate. Even through the rain, one could see that It was beautiful. And it had better be beautiful considering the money I was paying to this place for something as simple as an education.

It wasn’t even noon yet and move-in didn’t start until 1pm. I distinctly remember having something I could only attest to a minor panic attack and ordered my father away from the building as quickly as our massive car could take us. I was not ready yet. Going down to my living quarters and moving in would also mean Daddy would leave my side faster. I needed him still. Well I’ve always needed him, but now in particular I needed more then ever before. He was my last strand. The string that held me in place connecting me to my childhood and home. It was like I was being sucked into a black hole and that thin string was the only thing holding me down. It wasn’t going to last forever. But it had held quite nicely for the last eighteen years, I could surely hold on for another half hour, right? I like to name this particular black hole: Adulthood. I thought I was ready for it. I mean hell, I’ve been counting down the days until this exact moment. But when the time finally came, I just couldn’t bring myself to let go.

A remedy of chocolate chip pancakes did nothing to cure my worrisome heart. They tasted artificial. And the Maple syrup was terrible, it was Smuckers or some other brand I didn’t concern myself with to know. I just new it would never match up to Polly’s Pancake Parlor’s genuine maple syrup. New York has nothing on New Hampshire made maple syrup. The water was strange. I could taste and smell the wonderful fragrance of highly chlorination. Delicious. I knew at that moment I was far from home and my fresh mountain spring faucet water. It was depressing in a way I never could have imagined.

My body was tired, I could feel myself wanting to become sluggish. But I was hyped up on so much adrenaline I don’t think I could have sat still even if I wanted to. My hands were frozen solid and sweating at the same time. My face felt clammy and looked paler then it had ever before. Or maybe I had alway been pale and I was just noticing it more since I was standing in the restaurant’s bathroom, bathed in the artificial light coming from the hideous wall sconces. I hoped my roommates liked me. I hoped I liked them.

Put On The Red Light..

When I woke up this morning, I knew it was going to snow.
The sky was dark grey as I was walking to writing.
I know this sounds silly, but for a moment I imagined myself back in New Hampshire.
It felt the same here as it does at there, right before it's about to snow.
Everything felt right.
I know that sounds silly, but for that moment I was extremely happy.
Almost like I was about to see my mother or something.
But then I entered Roth Hall and realized that no, I'm not in New Hampshire.
I'm at school.
It was about to snow.
And guess what?
It did.

I feel like this is a dream at times.
A very long, realistic dream.
A dream that I will eventually wake up from.
And realize that these people and this place don't actually exist.
Like I'm going to suddenly wake up and be eight years old again.
Where my biggest problem was making sure my cursive writing was up to par.

It scares me.
Both because it's unrealistic
But also because with my luck, it could happen.

Oh what I life I lead.

Today we made our first "full plates".
Poached Salmon
Veggies (green beans, carrots, squash, leeks)
Boiled Tourne Potatoes
All covered in a Beurre Blanc sauce.
Yummmm.

Movie Night tonight.
Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Yes sir.

Edit:
Oh My Goodness!!!!!
Our wall of records is finally complete!

Where The Sidewalk Ends

If I had a nickel for every single time I have thought about you since I met you...
Well, I imagine I would be a millionaire by now.




There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.
- Shel Silverstein

Clearing The Brain, The Only Way I Know How: Walking.

It's hard being so far from home.
Even if it's only four hours away.
It just feels farther because I have no car up here that I could use to go home.
Isolation at it's finest I guess.

These days seem to vary.
At times they zoom by faster then light
But then they are slower than molasses on a freezing day January.
I wish it would make up it's mind.
This bi-polarness is killing me.

I can hear Vancouver practically calling my name.
I've been told it's beautiful up there this time of year.
I miss my mother so much.
It's making me a bit sick to my stomach actually.

Time for a walk.
Clear my head.
Thank god for supportive people in my life.

Voice Of Reason

I am so tired.
Mentally tired.
Physically I could be awake for days.
I don't think I ever feel asleep last night.
I was in a half state.
Like my body was sleeping.
But my brain was like in a coma.
Aware of itself, but couldn't function.

That sounds so bizarre to me and I'm the one who typed it.

I feel sick.
Sick to my stomach.
I can't handle lying.
I don't lie.
If I ever do, I'm pretty terrible at it and the truth eventually comes out.

I'm just over it.
He, of all people, is the last person that needs to be lied about.
He will be a speck on your radar.
On everyone's radar.
Just like he is on mine.
It's an annoying speck.
All black and unpleasing to look at.
But in reality, it's just a speck.
That's all it ever truly was.

The world does not revolve around one person.
It revolves around the sun.
Which is part of our solar system.
Which is in the Milky Way Galaxy.
Which is a small part of our Universe.
And what do you look like?
Oh yeah, a speck.


I'm not trying to be negative.
I've been negative for a few days now.
It's not kosher.
The highlights have been:
Hanging with Stephie and Juhbronie.
Tourne-ing potatoes.
Reading.
Talking to my mother.

Oh that reminds me.
My mother.
Mom, I know you are reading this.
And you are right.
It is easy to kick people when they are down
And to bombard them with issues that have been festering for a while.
I have done this too much recently
And the quote you gave me, made me realize that.
I'm just upset, as you well know.
And I didn't mean to disappoint you or dad if I have.
This was just the only outlet I could find on such a short notice.
Which is silly, because I know lots of people I care about read this.
And I don't want this to reflect poorly on me either.
You always know the right things to say to me.
Whether I actually want to hear it or not.
Generally I do.
I just miss you.
You are my voice of reason
And I dislike you being in a different country and so far from me.
16 days, I believe.

"Remember, it's easy to kick people when they are down.
It's easy to sit in judgement of others.
Sometimes we all need to look in the mirror **and make sure it's not after you take a shower, so the Fog doesn't cloud your vision!!
"For Unto Us a Child is Born, Unto us A Son is Given, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."
Please notice it ends "Prince of Peace," not "Prince of Drama.""

- mom

Thank You For Flying Karma Airlines, We Have Reached Our Destination: Rock Bottom.

Personally, I believe you hit rock bottom quite some time ago.
You just haven't admitted it to yourself until this point.
And it's all your fault.
How does that feel to know that you did it to yourself?
That you put yourself into this situation.
Reason: because you are a strange and selfish person.

I'm confused by you.
But everyday I care less and less about that.
You are not as special as I thought you could be.
Bi-polar to the core.
Always searching for something.
I hate to break it to you, but you aren't about to find it here.
Unless you change your actions.
Unless you change your behavior.
Unless you change your attitude.
Unless you stop posting such whiny Facebook statuses about how much your life sucks and looking for some type of encouragement or attention.
No one cares.
I used to care, but I really don't anymore.
You hurt me a lot and again, I'm not some spineless jellyfish that is going to stick around and deal with that.
I have much better people to be around.
There is no getting through to some people and you are right at the top of that list.
News flash: The world doesn't actually revolve around you.
Grow up and get a life.
I think you would be much more enjoyable to be around if you did

So in the time being, have a good time wallowing in self misery.
I tried to help you.
Lord knows I tried..
But even I have a hard time fighting Karma.

And If You Were An Ocean, I'd Learn To Float.

Alright here is the bad stuff.
I'm sure you have waited with bated breath.

The only reason I didn't want to talk about it last night was because I just didn't want to.
Plain and simple.
Its a bit different now though.
I don't really care.
Okay, here goes nothing:

There are two people in this equation along with myself
I will call them: Person A and Person B.
I have considered Person A a very close friend of mine.
Person B, I have known since the beginning of school.
Person B and I had a thing.
I don't like talking about it and I actually regret it more and more everyday.
But you can't change the past.
So whatever.
"B" is not the type of person you would want to date.
Being friends with "B" is alright but anything more than that and it turns bad.
I told Person A about Person B and I.
This was done in confidence and because I trusted "A".
Because "B" was starting to talk to "A" a whole lot.
Which I actually don't care about, but I care about "A" so I talked about "B" to "A".
Regardless of our talk ,"A" still talks to "B", knowing full well what "B" is capable of.
"A" likes "B".
"A" doesn't care about my opinion and brushes my warning off without a care.
I am angry, upset, and feel used.
It was a selfish thing for "A" to do and I'm still hurting.
I have talked to "A" about it.
But it seems I can't get through to "A".
I left this kinda thing back in high school, four hours away from here.
I have never ever done this to someone I considered a friend.
It just didn't happen.
But honestly it's whatever.
If "A" honestly wants "B" that badly, fine.
Take "B".
I don't want "B".
I never have.
I've only wanted the idea I projected onto "B".
Which I have finally come to the realization of.

I just don't want "A" to lie about it anymore.
That's what is currently killing me about this situation.
To lie about "B".
I don't care.
I don't care if they are friends.
Just stop lying about it.
Tell the truth.
Don't be so sketchy about it either.

I might be nice and friendly to people.
But that doesn't mean I'm some meek, spineless jellyfish.
I don't like it when people lie to me.
Especially to my face.
I can't tolerate something like that.


Another bad note:
Theresa texted me today.
She asked if I liked her still as a friend.
And for the first time in a while, I told her the truth about what I thought of the friendship.
I do not believe we will speak anymore.
The end of that chapter of my life.
Holy crap.
Feeling indifferent I guess.
I have already been sad about this in the past.
Again, it's something I care less and less about everyday.
It's a terrible thing to say, but it's the truth.
I've just out grown her and the drama she carries.
Again, petty, but maybe she never cared either about me.
Oh well.


On a happier note:
I hung out with Steph all day.
Which was fantastic because I adore that girl.
And I talked to Manny Lopez, who I miss a lot.
All in all it was actually a pretty good day.
I needed a lounge day today.
And I got one.

If You Were A Castle, I'd Be Your Moat.

I have had a strange week.
It had its terrible points but then it had it's wonderful points.
The terrible aspects I'm not going to get into right now.
I've just been talking and thinking about it so much lately.
I think if I talk about it anymore I might scream.
I'm still a bit angry.
Still hurt.
I'm not ready to talk about it yet.
Maybe I will later.
I don't know yet.
All I can say about the terrible points is that I've had such good support from Stephie and another friend. (who will go nameless for now).

Now onto the good points.
Stephanie Eyster is the world's greatest roommate and friend.
Without her here, I don't know what I would do.
She always knows the right things to say to me to calm me down or make me laugh.
I don't think college would be as fun without her and I'm so lucky to call her my friend.
It's been a long time since it was just Steph and Ally, because we have acquired a wolf pack now.
So when we hung out with just the two of us, I realized how much I missed it.
Not that I don't love our friends, because I do!
But it was nice just hanging out like old times.

What is happening currently:
Kris is getting her hair dyed by Steph, but we have ran out of dye.
So we are making a 1am run to Walmart to go get more dye.
Ha.

I'll write more about the terrible later.
Most likely tomorrow.
I'm very tired.
Movie time in the near future.

In A Perfect Situation.

Yesterday wasn't my favorite.
I didn't like saying goodbye to my brother, sister and father.
But I'll see them in a few weeks when we go to Vancouver for Christmas to see my mother.
That's the bright side I suppose.

I was alone for awhile when I first got home.
But then I got a surprise visitor.
We hung out and just talked about stuff.
It was really nice and simple.
It's silly to say, but I didn't realize how much I missed simple conversation.

I didn't really want to come back to school.
I wanted my break to be longer.
I wanted to be with my family longer.
But reality caught up with me and said "no".

Oh well.
Back to the daily grind.

There Is No One Alive That Is Youer Than You.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving.
It was delicious as always and I made potato leek soup for the family.
The only thing really missing was my mother and grandfather.
My mother is in Vancouver and my Grandfather is in Heaven.
It made it not really feel like Thanksgiving.
I miss my friends and CIA, but I'm really happy to be home and just have my space.
I think everyone is really happy to have their own breathing room for a little while.
It's not a bad thing to crave space.
Too much togetherness can really damage a friendship.

The Turkey bowl was awesome.
I got to see Ashleigh and Emaly.
I missed them like crazy.
I had Miranda tackle me in a bear hug.
And I saw someone I didn't really wanna see or talk to.
I did both.
Not really of my own will, but because they kinda sneak attacked me.

I talked to people from CIA last night.
I miss them.
It's getting easier everyday to be myself around people and not just my roommates/friends.
I know that sounds sort of awkward.
Why wouldn't you be yourself around people?
I guess I'm scared in a way.
Well not scared, just a little guarded.
It's a self preservation sort of thing.
If they dislike who they see on the surface before I truly open up, that means they only dislike half of me and not all of me.
Hope that makes some amount of sense.
All that needs to be known really is that I'm starting to drift away from this sort of attitude.
And I couldn't be happier.

What I'm thankful for:
- An Education and living out my dream.
- Awesome friends who I was fortunate enough to stumble upon.
- Good food all day, everyday.
- My family and how honestly chill everyone is.
- My beagle, Scarlett, who is getting on in age but has decided to hang in there.
- And of course reliable internet. (if only just for this weekend)

p.s. Cream of Broccoli soup that I made on Wednesday

Burning Down The House

Today was very busy in class.
We made pureed lentil soup
Tasted good, but mine was late to the pass, muddy and under seasoned.
-15 points.
Ugh.

We also made roux today.
Rouxs are used as thickening agents in sauces and soups.
It's a mixture of flour and fat (usually oil or butter).
Made with high heat = wicked hot.
Like it will burn your skin right off if touched.
Like what happened to me:

Four burns in total.
Pinky, base of thumb, twice on wrist.
Fun times.
Stings like a mother.
no wonder they call it Cajun Napalm.

Knife Casualties: 5
Burns: 4

I Found A Flower At My Feet.

This blog is coming to you at the wee hours of the morning while sitting upon Steph's bed.
I don't have much to say except that I'm a bit unsettled.
I don't know if I've actually written about Disney yet... I think I've just verbally talked about it with different people.

I have an externship opportunity with the Walt Disney Company's College Program.
I'm so excited.
When I found out, I literally screamed.
Both Steph and Morgan were witness.
It was funny and embarrassing at the same time.
Eh, whatever.

I never really thought about Disney much.
But after going to the college presentation it seemed like a really good deal and opportunity.
And it's Disney.
I mean, I know I'll be worked into the ground like a slave, but still.
It's Disney World!
I would make cashmoney like nobody's business.
I get housing on the Disney property, which is convenient.
And I think I would really experience and learn a lot.
The problem is, I have to decide by November 30th if this is the place I want to go for extern.

The Dinex/Daniel Boulud people have not contacted me back.
Everyday it gets a little more discouraging.
Everyday I think more and more about how awesome Disney will be.

Do I really want to go to Lumiere/DB Bistro Moderne, or do I just wanna go to Vancouver because that's where my mother is?

I don't really know right now.
I'll get back to you on that.

That's Exactly How This Grace Thing Works.

I was seriously doubting myself today.
I thought about skills and I was dreading going.
Because I didn't want to be around people and I just wanted to sleep.
I wasn't confident in my skills or knowledge.
Could I actually cook or was I just playing myself up in my head?
But then the most magical, wonderful, stupendous thing happened.

We made soup.
Beef and Veggie soup to be specific.
Chef Soileau said it was one of the prettiest soups he had seen.

It was so tasty.
Not the best photo in the world, but it was really nice looking.

I love talks with my friends.
Sometimes it's good to have reassurance that people, besides your family, do actually care about you.
They make me happy and let me see a different point of view on any subject.
I don't think I would be having as much fun here without them.
It's always nice to have someone understand you.

I thought about someone last night.
And for the first time I wasn't sad when I thought of them.
More indifferent then anything.
I know I still care for this person.
And they will always hold a special place in my heart regardless if I'm in their's at all.
This person can be a good person.
They just choose to do certain things that will benefit them the most.
Call it a selfish personality.
But at least it's a personality.
For awhile I thought there was something wrong with me.
Something that was missing.
But now I understand, it was them all along.
They were missing something, not me.
Steph's told me this a million times, but I guess it just finally clicked.
I still care about this person.
Regardless of the questionable things they do on my time or their's.
I know I always will help if they need it and they know that.
It's just hard I guess.
Because they make it so easy to hate them.
But I can't hate them.
I won't hate them.
If I hate this person, they will win.
And they will not care.

But it will be okay.
Because I know that nothing was ever wrong me with me.
It was all them.
And I'm never going to be as lonely as they are.

I Feel Old, But Not Very Wise

I had the worst nightmare today.
The type of nightmare that feels and seems so real, how could it possibly be a dream?

I woke up to my room completely as it is now.
Everyone's stuff was here and I looked at the door to see Steph and Krissy waving goodbye to me.
I got up to follow, to see where they were going, but once I reached the hallway no one was there.
I got to Roth and Farq and no one was there.
The classes and kitchens were empty.
Everyone was gone.
Steph, Kris, Christian, Morgan, Annelise, Todd, Shannon, Devin, Eric, Chip, Jenn.
Everybody I know was gone.
My family wasn't able to come up.
I was alone.
It was my birthday.

What scares me the most about this dream is that a majority of the people I know will be gone on my birthday.
I've mentioned this before, but for some reason it's finally hitting me.
The majority of the people I know will be gone because either they are going on their externship or they have graduated Associates and are taking a break until they start Bachelors.
I'm not complaining.
Because I love the people around me.
The feeling the nightmare created just freaked me out a bit.
But it's just a reality I have to square with eventually.


But regardless of the dream I had a really good day.
I had an excellent lunch with the pretty ladies and it was the complete opposite of my dream.
Everyone was present and accounted for, which was calming.

I started Skills Development I today.
Which is where I'm learning the basics of stocks, soups, knife cuts, etc.
I can't tell you the joy I felt when I was cutting up onions for mirepoix.
I literally exploded with happiness.
It's lame but I actually haven't cut anything, food/production wise, since June.
Buying something from the store and cutting it is different then doing it in a learning environment.
Trust me.
I felt so comfortable cutting onions.
I felt so comfortable smelling the chicken stock.
I feel extremely geeky typing that.
But it's the truth.
That's why I love culinary.
I was reminded today of that.

Chef Soileau (pronounced Swallow) is my teacher.
He is Cajun.
A graduate of the CIA.
Swears like a sailor.
Super nice guy.
Tough.
Blunt.
And funny.
I like him.
He expects a lot out of us, be he is willing to help us succeed to.

And on top of all that, we don't have written homework in this class.
Instead, we are just expected to study and act like responsible adults.
I am very happy.
It takes off so much stress, I can't even begin to tell you.

Hello, My Love, It's Getting Cold On This Island.

Lumière means "light" in French.
It is also the name of the candle from Beauty & The Beast.
It also is the name of the restaurant owned by Daniel Boulud located in Vancouver.
My mother is currently living in Vancouver.
On Lumière's homepage, the back round music is one of my favorite songs: Koop Island Blues by Koop.


If this isn't a sign from God telling me to have my externship here, I don't know what is.


I feel like I might have talked about this before.
If I have I'm wicked sorry.
But I have to talk about it again.
Because I have a news update on it.


This past Tuesday was the career fair here at CIA.
Dinex Group, Daniel Boulud's managing company were in attendance.
My nerves were a bit in overdrive when I went up to the woman representing Dinex Group.
I tried my hardest to be upbeat and friendly.
And to be as appealing as possible.
I shook her hand like three times.
Yeah.
It was kinda like that.

So Morgan has finally moved in
Gwen is gone.
It's different.
Not in a good way or bad way.
Just different.
It's going to take some time getting used to.

I'm very tired.
Well, my body is tired.
It's just been such stressful last few days, all I want to do it lay in bed and not move.
I want thanksgiving to hurry up.
I miss my family.
I miss New Hampshire.
I never thought I would catch myself saying that, but I really do.

If I Ever Leave This World Alive

So I suddenly remembered in the past three weeks I actually haven't talked about my classes all that much.

For Meat ID and Fabrication my Chef was Chef Schneller.
He was an awkward kind of funny.
He grew up around and was exposed to meat because his father was a butcher.
He wrote both our Meat and Poultry books.
He knew a lot about meat and sometimes he would talk so quickly and throw so much information at us it was hard to process it all.
Well it was hard for me at least.
I'm not really a fan of fabricating meat.
The blood and all that jazz wigs me out.
But don't get me wrong, I enjoy a cheeseburger just as much as anyone.
The whole process though, I could happily do without.
Don't tell me about the labor, just show me the baby.

Chef Johnson was my Fish ID and Fabrication teacher.
He seemed to really know what he was talking about when it came to fish.
But the thing is whenever he would talk, he had no problem with making sure everyone heard him.
In other words, Chef Johnson was an extremely loud talker.
But such a nice guy, so it made up for it.
The sad thing is, he wasn't able to teach us the whole seven days.
Our last two days he had to substitute for Chef Elisa, I believe it was, down in the meat room, because he was one of the only chefs that were certified to also teach meat.
So as a substitute in our class we had Chef Viverito.
Very intelligent, very blunt, very intimidating.
Pescetarian.
Funny as hell and has self describe himself as "eccentric".
I find smartassed, cocky, sarcastic people funny.
But that's just me.
I genuinely like Chef Johnson, but I think I would have really enjoyed Chef Viverito's class a lot.
Even though I was really intimidated by him, he seemed to genuinely enjoy teaching.

I found fish class a bit easier then meat class.
Not enjoyable,
Just easier.
Probably because I was just more comfortable in my abilities in cutting.
Speaking of cutting, the other day I got a 50 out of 50 for my Up and Over fillet cut.
Up and Over cuts are used for hard boned, round fish.
Hard boned fish are primarily bass, snapper, grouper, cod, and flat fish.
Hard bones are good for stock.
An Up and Over cut is a cut, which can be pretty challenging depending on the fish, is when you are basically cutting up and over the spine and rib cage.
I'm a pro at it.
It came very simple to me.
We even had to do it for the practical for the final, problem was that we had haddock as our fish.
Haddock is a cod.
Cod is very flaky and fragile and will fall apart because it likes to stress people like me out.
I did it and got a 56 out of 60, but still.
Would it kill them to give be a bass to cut?
I would have been happy with a snapper and the threat of possibly getting stuck with one of their poisonous needles in their fins then cut another haddock.
It stressed me out that bad.
Hopefully I did well on the final as a whole.
I would hate to fail that class.
The overwhelming sent of fish is enough to keep me away forever.

Knife Casualties: 4

As I Stand Here Quaking In My Boots

I am actually having a pretty good day.
Nothing has gone wrong.
Still a tad bit upset about yesterday.
Understandably so of course.
It wasn't fair.
Though no one said life was ever fair.

Speaking of fair.
Tomorrow is the Career Fair here at school.
I'm nervous.
I don't really know what to do.
I don't know what to say.
This is very important.
I have to impress these people.

I just had a thought.
I don't think I've actually come out and said where I'm hoping to go on my externship.
I want to go to Lumiere.
It's in Vancouver.
It's owned by Daniel Boulud.
High Class.
Wicked nice looking.
I'm nervous.

Time to work on my resume.
Joy.

Knife Casualties: 3

So Make Your Siren's Call And Sing All You Want

Today was actually a good day.
I was happy and content.
But then, I got some news I wasn't all that excited about.
In fact, I was down right mad about.
See when I get upset/angry/flustered/passionate, I tend to release that kind of energy through tears.
It's not that I'm actually crying,
But more like that is how I flush it out of my system.
Today was one of those days.
It was critical information that I needed to know
So I'm very thankful that Stephanie had not only the compassion of looking out for me, but the gonads to tell me what was up.
It really did mean a lot.
And in the end, I think it saved me from some possibly not so kind surprises.

I don't really like surprises.
I never have.
I shake my Christmas presents, it's that bad.
I'm not a surprise kind of person.
Don't try and surprise me.
Either it will startle me so bad I will scream, become upset or I will hit you so hard you'll have a bruise for a week+ for surprising me.
It depends on the surprise.
In the end, it's better to just tell me upfront and not let me find out until it's too late.
The only way I would ever like a surprise is if you are 100% positive I will like it.
And even then, it's still risky.

I'm more upset then anything.
Not a sad upset.
More like and unsettled upset.
I thought I meant a little more then deserving no response.
I thought our friendship meant a little more then that.

God forbid, I thought we were friends.
My mistake.
Shame on me for wanting to hangout with a stupid boy.
At least now I know for next time, I won't even bother.

On the complete bright side, I had a wonderful day with Stephanie, Morgan, Krissy and Annelise.
Family Dinners are the best.
Especially with these four.
<3

So Wear Me Like A Locket Around Your Throat.

I guess I'm just feeling the after effects of last night now.
I feel mushy and cold on the inside.
I'm in desperate need of a smile.
I can only smile so much.
Remember?
I'm not completely made of rainbows and sunshine 100% of the time.
I certainly try to be, but it's not always easy.
I have my moments when I need reassurance.

Most of what I believe, I think I made up in my own head.
I attribute it to a small bit of paranoia.
It's a total defense mechanism.
And a relatively new thing that been happening to me.
Just over a year now, by like a week.
I know exactly why I do it and why it happens.
I know why it developed and I can pinpoint the reason as to why it did.
The problem is, I can't find the off switch.
I think of the worst possible situation I could ever be in and worry about it.
Whether the situations I see are actually true or not remains to be discussed.
But I know it feels real because of what I'm seeing or what I'm experiencing.
Or what I'm expecting to see or experience.
I'm waiting for everything to crash.
I'm trying to prepare myself.
Because last time was a total blindside.
And up until that point, nothing had every emotionally hurt that bad before.
It's not fun.
I could do so much better without it.
I wish it never happened.
I understand now why they did what they did.
They had hurt everyone else in their life, so it was my turn now.
It's terrible reasoning, but the truth non the less.
So as a result I just try and hide it.
Sometimes it works and sometimes it bubbles over.
I guess I just have to relax and not try and read into things so hard anymore.

Anyway,
If you are reading this, thanks for the talk last night.
It really meant a lot to me.
You know who you are.


In completely different news,
Which I feel is much more positive,
I'm thinking about writing a book.
It's still really in the thought process stage.
I'm just sort of getting my thoughts typed into a word document.
It will not be completed for a long while.
I got a long journey for this book if I ever want to see it come into fruition.
Baby steps.

Kiss With A Fist

I feel awkward.
That's the best way that I can describe it.
Not my happiest, but certainly not sad.
Indifferent?
I don't know.

Have you ever experienced feeling, dare I say it?
Replaced?
Within any situation.
Mine in particular, is friendship.
Here let me explain
I guess I'm just not used to it.
Having so many people around me all the time that know my name and care about what I think.
Friendship wise.
I'm used to flying solo and only having one or two extremely close friends.
Which is quite depressing when I think about it to hard.
I had friends and people who I liked talking to.
But only a small handful I considered close friends.

I guess I'm just scared.
Scared of losing my place.
A place in what exactly, I'm not to sure of.

I guess I'm scared of being forgotten.
Of being left behind or not being taken into consideration.

It's happened before.
That's why I'm scared.
I'm just scared of it happening again, because I really like everyone I know here at school.
I don't want to lose my place.
If that makes any sense to you.

Maybe this is just me being paranoid.
But I can't help feeling like this on somethings.
Like becoming an afterthought almost.
I don't know.

Weather Wise, It's Such A Lovely Day

I was actually kinda looking forward to fabricating chickens today.
It was... dare it say it?
Fun.
(I guess it helped that I didn't have any gushers.)
Besides the chickens, we had some girl scouts come in that were on a tour.
They were so cute.
It made me happy.
Though they weren't selling cookies, which was a bummer.
I could go for some peanut butter patties right now.
Oh gosh... so good.

We were each given two chickens. Both were about three pounds each.

First the wings were taken off, then the thighs.

Next the chicken breasts which were frenched.

So I'm completely alone in my room right now.
And I'm not sad.
I feel much better then I did yesterday.
It's actually sort of welcomed for once, being alone.
Good Ally time.
Bad side is that I'm kinda cold and I'm a bit to lazy right now to reach over and turn on the heat...
Will someone come warm me up?

I don't have much to say tonight.
Except that I'm happier then I was last night.
Which on the grand scale is good, because this little lonely spell only lasted for a bit.
So if it ever happens again, maybe it will start decreasing in frequency and longevity.
One can only hope.

I hope everyone is doing well.
Thanks for being so awesome.

Little Lion Man

I was greeted by this lovely sight today.
For those of you who don't really know what animal it is, it's a lamb.
Today we fabricated a leg and half a rib rack.
And like always, the blood was a gushin'.
It wasn't all that pleasant.
I'm ready to go into fish now.
Even though apparently the kitchen is colder then the meat room and the smell is far worse.
But to be completely honest, I don't care.
Anything is better then watching an animal be disassembled in front of me.
And I know this isn't the last I'm ever going to be exposed to meat fabrication.
But fish is different.
To me, it's not the same.
I guess it's just hard for me to see an animal in a position like what I have pictured above.
But just because it's hard to watch doesn't mean I can't do it.
I would prefer not to, but I would in a heartbeat if a chef ever told me to.
And I would do it with a smile on my face, no matter what.
Because that's the kind of person I am.

Feeling kinda lonely all of a sudden.
It's been awhile since I've gotten upset.
I guess it's been a long time coming.
Just been delayed from all the happiness I've been trying to cram down my throat.
Like seriously, it just crept up and hit me in the face.
Not cool.
I'm wicked upset now.
And missing home.
Missing Dad.
And Ashley.
And Stephen.
And my beagle, Scarlett.
And of course my Mother.
Even though I'm about to Skype her in a half hour.
I guess I just need a hug.
I don't understand why this keeps happening to me...
It can't be good for my health.


Knife Casualties: 2

Between The Lines Of Fear And Blame

I think as humans we are naturally nosey.
We like to dig our fingers into things, even if it's not our business.
We like to hear stories.
We like to ask about personal situations, because we like to live vicariously through each other.
It's not intentional.
(But sometimes it is.)
And usually not in a vindictive way.
(But sometimes it is.)
We just like to see how someone else lives.
To be in someone else's situation without getting our hands dirty.
To be a fly on the wall, so to speak.
This is just a general observation I've made.

This weekend has been a blast.
Especially at the Zombie Prom.
I felt so relaxed.
I guess that's the best way to describe it.
I just danced and I didn't care.
So for anyone who saw me at the dance, that was me being Allyson.
Completely and totally.
Open.
Laughing.
Loud.
Dancing.
Smiling even more then normal.
I like being like that.
I wish I was like that more in reality then at a dance with the lights turned down.
I'm trying.

Another observation:
I am the most like myself when I am around people I care about or am close to.

Think about that for a second.
It sounds completely dim.
Obviously I would be comfortable with people I'm comfortable with.
But it's so true to me.
I'm just naturally a quite person.
When I have nothing to say, I usually don't say much.
So I'm sure it comes off shyness.
I'm not really all that shy.
If I was wicked shy, I don't think I would have such good friends already at school.
I think everyone is shy.
Even the most confident person has their moments.
I'm just quite.
With dashes of shyness, just like every other person in the world.

I had such a good time with Steph, Krissy, Annelise, and Morgan this weekend.
They are such good friends.
I love everyone to pieces.
We dressed up as the Spice Girls for Halloween.
I was Baby Spice, of course.
I don't think I've ever laughed as much as I have this weekend.

On Saturday my family came up to visit me.
They spent four hours in a car just to spend a few hours with me.
I can't tell you how grateful I am that I have such a loving and wonderful family.
I was already missing them as they were walking back to their car and I was walking back to my room.
Thanksgiving can hurry up now.

Happy Halloween.

Such A Smiling Sweetheart

So much information is being thrown at me.
I can't sort it properly because it's coming in way to quickly.
It feels like I'm hardly retaining anything.
Or maybe I'm just over thinking it.
I don't like going to class at 1pm and then not getting out until 7pm
It's so dark outside.
Where did my day go?

This is called a Strip Loin.
Those are just two of my knives.

I turned it into steaks.
The average steak weight was about 11 1/2oz.
16oz in 1lb.
You do the math.

* We did tenderloins also, I just forgot to take a picture.

I don't like being in the meat room.
It's like a dungeon.
With no windows.
And freezing beyond belief.
There are dead animals hanging in the cooler.
And blood is everywhere, all the time.

Probably right now, your thinking to yourself:
She needs to suck it up.
It's not that bad.
Just don't think about it.
or my current favorite "Why the hell did you choose culinary then?"

Yeah I know.
But I can't help it.
I like a burger just as much as anyone.
Probably a lot more than some people.
But looking at an animal, skinned, trimmed, and gutted, just doesn't do it for me.
I can do without this, personally.
Just give me the baby, I don't wanna know about the labor.

You know what I want the most?
I want a confidant of my own.
I want someone I can turn to and they will just listen.
That they aren't just waiting for their turn to speak.
I know I have Steph.
I know I can go to her, because she knows me the best out of everyone.
We were friends first.
But she has crap she is dealing with too.
I don't want to unload all my crap onto what she is already dealing with.
But then again, I would feel guilty if I had someone.
Because all I would do is talk about how sad I am.
Or lonely.
Or angry.
I'm too sensitive to people in that way.
The entire time I would be telling you something, I would be uncomfortable.
I can be the confidant.
But it's so hard to open up to someone else.
I'm just overly cautious at times.
I don't know why.
This blog helps soothe some of it.
But not all of it.
Because people are reading this.
Making their own opinions about how I'm either the nicest person in the world, or that I really need to stop whining about much I need a hug, to be more then a hug.
For a smile, to be more then a smile.

Eric Hodge.
You jinxed me when you said "everyone cuts themselves."
I hope your happy.
But then again, it's not like you actually care enough to read this.

Knife Casualties: 1

Feet Fail Me Not.

Today was interesting.
Interesting in the way that I don't honestly care what a whole lamb looks like hanging and skinned.
With it's eyeballs still intact..
Yeah.
Meat ID and Fabrication was today, obviously.
I got to use my knives and cut big chucks of meat up.
It was satisfying in a way that I can't describe properly without sounding sort of like a maniac.
Or a total nerd.
Interchangeable really.

I was a total wreck before class today.
I was buggin.
I literally was running around my room trying to make sure I had everything I needed for class today and freaking out if I couldn't find it.
My hands were shaking.
I couldn't relax.
My shoes felt alternately too tight and too loose.
But what calmed me down was kinda silly, now that I think back on it.
I had Steph's ID in my pocket, so it was like she was there the entire time.
She had let me borrow it so I could print out stuff at the library and I hadn't gotten the chance to bring it back to her before class.
And I talked to Chip briefly when I went to lunch with Christian.
It's always so awesome to see him.
I am between Katherine and Devin in the meat room.
Christian is next to Devin.
I'm so happy to be surrounded by such nice and friendly people.

Bad news.
I haven't been able to pick up any of my mail because the mail room office has been closed.
I have two beautiful packages waiting for me now.
I'm excited.
But it's like a mini Christmas.
I know they are there.
They are for me.
But I can't see/touch/shake them.
Such a tease.

My feet hurt the most.
My lower back is at a very close second.
I am currently sitting in my bed, my feet propped up, in leggings and my white undershirt.
Life is good.
Hopefully I'll make it to Gourmet Society tonight.

Time for homework...

Knife Casualties: 0

The 7-Up Fish.

I thought about God again today.
Well, that's actually a lie.
I think about Him a little bit everyday.
I don't know why.
Well I think I might..
I get comfort from it.
Like an ear that will always be there, no matter how alone I am in a room.
My family has always been pretty religious.
So when I think of God or church, I think of my family.

Most specifically my Mother.
Because she always has a way to relate things back down to a religious base.
I have a bad day or bad experience with them?
She is right there with the religious back that I need.

It didn't always used to be this way.
I'm admitting that now.
I used to be very resistant to going to church, praying every night, etc..
I think it's because I didn't understand what I was learning about.
The content of what was in the bible confused me.
I wasn't the strongest reader when I was younger, so the bible freaked me out at a young age.
If I couldn't read it or interpret it, how was I to make sure what I was learning was accurate?
Or that I believed in it?

I'm sure I hurt my mother's feelings when I said I didn't like going to church.
I was stupid.
Church is bigger then me.
Bigger then my wants or needs.
When I think of Church, I think of my Grandfather.

His name was Harry.
Harry Sherman.
He was a pastor in the Episcopal Church.
That's what my family and I define ourselves as, Episcopalian.
My Grandfather was a good man.
He was funny.
So smart.
A terrible singer, but so charismatic from what I remember.
And he had the best laugh in the entire world.
I will never forget his laugh.
He passed away a few years ago.
He started to lose him memory after his open heart surgery in 2004, I think was the year.
Dementia, they called it.
I had never heard of it before until then.
He hid it really well for a long time, not wanting to alarm anyone.
But once it became more obvious, it was already picking up too much speed to delay it any farther.

I don't know why I'm talking about my Grandfather.
It's making me incredibly sad and now I'm crying.
I think it's just because when I think of God, I think of my Mother and Grandfather instantly.

I remember living in Ohio.
My grandparents lived in a giant blue house with a gated horse farm behind them.
My Grandfather would always time my brother and I to race to the big tree near the fence and all the way back to the porch.
My brother always won.
But Grandpa always encouraged me saying that one day I would win.
He drank 7-up like a fish, I kid you not.
I would always get him another can.
He would always be the one to come get me from my nap and carry back down the stairs, on piggy-back of course.
And my siblings and I would always fight for who got to pour Grandpa's beer into his giant glass at dinner time. (It was seen as a real talent if you could pour it in and not have it over flow)
And of course we got to try some.
I always thought it was gross, but I still tried it.
And of course having shaving parties when my siblings and I slept over their house.
We have a great picture at our house of all three of us kids making faces with shaving cream smeared over our faces.
I of course was front and center in this picture.
I even remember my grandfather taking it.
It was a long time ago.

I miss him.
But I know I'll see him again one day.
Laughing, just like I remember.
That day will be a really good day, I think.

I don't really know what the point was of this post.
I guess I just wanted people to know a little more about me.

And See The World Hanging Upside Down..

You are like the morning sun.
Beautiful and bright, but have yet to wake up.


I think its safe to say, that every day I spend here I am becoming more comfortable and happy.
I don't pine for home anymore.
Or a familiar bed.
I am referring to school and our dorm as "home" more and more.
I have found such great people here.
People that I can't wait to see during the day.
People I can't wait to smile at and ask how their day is going.

But of course every shining happiness has it's dark spots.
But even then, those dark spots just need a light shined on them so they can sparkle just like the rest.
If anything, I love the dark spots all the same and eventually I hope they shine on their own.
Because they want to and not having to need any cuing from me.
Slowly but surely.
No need to rush.

I think that if I try too hard, or I worry too much, or whatever when it comes to things socially, I'll never be happy.
I'll never find what I'm looking for.
Because I'll be searching, searching, searching, and completely overlook whats in front of me.
I'll be looking for perfection, and I wont ever find it.
Because no one is perfect.
I'm certainly not perfect, regardless if I'm made completely of sunshine and rainbows.
But I think it's the flaws that make us so beautiful.
I wouldn't want anyone who was perfect.
Perfect is so boring.

Life should never be boring.
Life is an adventure.
I would like you to be apart of it, but you have to meet me half way.
I don't want to go through my entire adventure by myself.

Thanks to all who read this blog for sticking around for so long.
It means more than these virtual words could express.

We Do It For The Scars And Stories, Not The Fame.

So B block is finally coming to an end.
I can't be more excited!
Dreading finals though.
I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself though.
I can do this.

Chef Briggs, my Product Knowledge professor said another thing today, I will never forget.
It was like her final words of wisdom to us:
"...If it's hard, then work harder. Never quit. Never give up. Keep going. If you work hard enough, you can amount to anything. Look at me. I was told by a professor that I would never amount to anything. I attended a small two year program at a culinary school when I wanted to go to the CIA but my parents couldn't afford it because I had 7 brothers and sisters. But I worked very hard to get where I am and look at me now, I am teaching at the best culinary institute in the world..."


I went to a meeting tonight with Steph.
It was about Food Styling.
The person speaking was named Delores Custer.
She is a Internationally recognized Food Stylist
She has worked with Gourmet, Bon Appetit, Women's Day, Fine Cooking, Chocolatier magazines and also different commercials and movies.
She was really fascinating to listen to.
I got a lot out of it.
I would really like to get her book: Food Styling: The Art of Preparing Food for the Camera
Its orange and it has a ginormous sandwich on the cover.
Hint hint.
Ha ha.


I have some food for thought here for you:
Is it possible to like being around someone and like talking to them and all that jazz, but the second they walk away or leave your line of vision you start disliking them?
Not because of them really. You like them. But it's actually their actions and what they say that turn you off? But then they will become a hypocrite and do something so kind and nice that you start to like them again..
It's like one giant circle.
Am I making any sense?

I Always Turn The Car Around.

Oh my goodness!
I got a comment from somebody I don't know!
Their name is rbrow076.

rbrow076, if you are reading this, hello!!
It's so nice to (sorta, kinda) meet you.
My name is Allyson, but I go by Ally.
... you probably already knew that, but I still felt the need to introduce myself...
Ha.
You have no idea how happy your comment made me feel.
I seriously freaked out (in a good way, I promise!)
I haven't ever had someone I didn't know, send me a comment before.
You are a ground breaker in my book.
Thank you so much for your kind words on my blog.
So you hope to come to CIA during the fall next year, that's awesome!
Have you applied yet?
Baking or Culinary?
Associate or Bachelor degree?
If you haven't gotten your acceptance letter yet, I wish you the best of luck in getting in!
I sorta cried when I got my letter and found out I was accepted.
Yeah I know... pretty lame.
But whatever.
Oh and the last, most important question... How the hell did you find my blog?
Did you randomly come upon it?
Did you search for a CIA student's blog?
I'm asking because I don't have any tags or labels attached to my blog, so I figured that no one would ever be able to find it outside of my people on Facebook. (that is where I post my links to my updates)

This is so awesome!
You have no idea.
p.s. I didn't find your comment creepy at all! In fact, it brighten my day up! Thanks so much!

With Arms Wide Open

I think it's fair to say that I'm getting a bit restless.
It's just that I get home from class and come home to an empty room.
Everyday.
It's just so vacant.
And a tad bit lonely.
I just want to do something.
I want to cut up things.
I want to break things down and build them back up.
I want to create.
But I can't.
Not yet.
And everyone is in class because it's the middle of the day!
Or they are sleeping.
So it's not like I can go hangout with someone..

You know what I would really love?
If someone came to my door, when I was home alone, just to say hello.
Just to talk for a few minutes.
I would be over-the-moon happy if someone did that.
Because I wouldn't ever hesitate in doing that to someone else.
I guess thats why I would like it...

I have found that some of the simplest actions from people here have put me in the greatest of moods.
Just a simple hello.
A wave.
A smile.
A letter.
A hug.
Multiple hugs in one sitting.
Cookies to cheer me up, just because.
Long walks around the campus just to talk about life in general.
Invites to lunch and dinner.
And of course to breakfast. (which we haven't been getting out of bed for. But tomorrow we will try again, like every other day)
And finally just random acts of kindness.

I guess I just notice it more then other people.
Or maybe I just cherish the moments more.
I didn't get a lot of kindness directed towards me in high school.
Yes I had friends.
And towards the end, I found out who my true friends actually were.
But the rest of the time, I felt mostly ignored by my peers.
I know how they saw me:
That nice girl that always smiles and who they happen to sit next to in class.
Quiet and maybe a tad bit shy.
But always nice.
Always seen, but hardly noticed.
Not the center of attention.
Would rather read some obscure book then listen to the teacher talk.
Speaks more formally then others.
Has a matureness about her.
But then seems so innocent.
Does that make her a virgin?

Yet had a few boyfriends.

So maybe she isn't.

Nothing to bark at though.

Those boys were very nice too.

Nothing strangely remarkable about her.
Just normal.
A step above Plain Jane.

But what they never knew?
I am so much more then that.

Code Of Conduct

This made me smile.
I stumbled upon it.
So I thought I would share:

Code of Conduct:

1. Never stop thinking. This is important. If someone ever says to you ‘You need to stop thinking so much,’ call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupidity and sheeple. Your mind is the most important tool you have, if you stop using it, it will atrophy. Question everything.

2. Stare into space blankly and don’t mentally punish yourself for doing it, even if it is for that split second. If you have a problem with staring blankly, think of it as daydreaming.

3. Root Beer sucks after having spicy food.

4. Everything is going to be just fine. If you worry about acne, you’re going to get a pimple.

5. Don’t be afraid to talk about anything. You shouldn’t be afraid of reality.

6. Everyone is a hypocrite.

7. You are all original. Every life experience is case sensitive and unique. Every time you wake up or go to the bathroom or quote someone else, you are becoming more you than anyone has ever been.

8. Do pointless things. Don’t actively restrain or hide yourself from the redundant.

9. Stop rushing. Shut up and embrace the sound of silence.

10. Religion shouldn’t be taught, it should be found. No one should tell you what to believe except you. And while were on the subject…

11. Don’t be restrained by one religion. People change every moment of everyday. Minds grow and evolve. Religion has no law so feel free to mix and match. Make your own.

11. Going to the bathroom is not a right nor a privilege. it’s an act of nature.

13. Talking to yourself is healthy. Is there anyone that you have more in common with?

14. There is no such thing as time. The sun never sets or rises. Days and years don’t exist. There is only your life. Earlier today you were born and death is predicted later in the evening.

15. We will always be in a transitional phase. Look outside and know that everything will be replaced at some point. This existence is temporary.

16. Its not half empty or half full. Its half a glass.

17. Every now and then take something that you see everyday and try to see it in a different light. Renew its existence.

18. Be happy, but don’t force it.

19. You will always succeed in trying.

20. We are all crazy. Every person you read about in the history books had some kind of ‘disorder’, they just knew how to use it.

21. We are all about as similar as we are different.

22. Ideas are just as valuable as people. Why do you think we keep making people?

87. Numbers don’t have to go in order.

24. Words will always be just words. Love is just another four letter word, only the feeling is real.

25. Ask a child for advice. They may not know much, but they know what is important.

26. Prove you’re alive. Do anything from dancing in the supermarket to screaming a swear during a moment of silence. Remind the world you are still here.

27. Don’t take anything, even this, too seriously.

source: www.tickshady.com 

Did you realize that I changed it, and there are two #11s?
..........
Did you just scroll up to check?
If you did, I love you.
If you didn't, I still love you.
Have a nice day.

I Got Sunshine In A Bag

So it's a sunday night.
I'm kinda cold.
But then again... kinda hot.
I want to eat ice cream.
But not really.
I want to sleep.
But it's only 8pm.. and i'm not tired.

I don't really know what to write about.
I could tell you about school.. but it's kinda boring right now to be honest.
I just want to get into the kitchen so badly...

I went to the soccer game this weekend.
I really love watching soccer.
I couldn't honestly tell you anything about it from a technical stance.
But I can't help but watch.
Hodge was playing, too.
So in support, I made him a sign. (aren't I nice?)
He knew I was going to make one, but I actually don't know if he liked it.
In my all-knowing opinion, it's pretty cool looking.
(it's red in real life... it just kinda looks pink in the picture)

Do you get the joke?
We are the CIA Steels.
Like the steel you use to sharpen your knives?
HAHAHA.
That's a kitchen joke!

Alright...yeah.
I know I'm pretty lame, but whatever.
If your reading this you obviously already know that about me and either think it's charming or you love me regardless of my slight "flightiness" I occasionally display.
Thanks for being so cool.


Now it's that time again to do a complete 180 degree flip.
I hate boys.
Specifically boys who pin the fault on me.
Because I'm the easy way out and they are desperately trying to cover themselves.
FYI
Girls talk, assholes.
I'm so pissed.
Kinda wanna punch a baby.
Okay.
That is all for that subject.

Math and Product Knowledge tomorrow.
Joy upon joys.

Banana Pancakes

My darling cousin Ariel decided to tag me in a post on Facebook.
She had to answer questions about herself.
The catch is, whoever she tagged also has to answer the same questions.
So I thought instead of posting it on Facebook in one of those "notes" posts, I would just do it here.
I know I'm breaking rule #3, because I'm not tagging anyone, but I figured me even doing this makes up for it.
Because a lot of people would shy away from it.
So here goes nothing..
p.s. you don't have to take this, but if you want to, I would love to see your answers in a comment on here or on Facebook.
*All my wonderful answers are in italics. Enjoy.

Rule #1: If you open this you take it (no exceptions) 

Rule #2: You aren't allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you.

Rule #3: Tag 10 people

Yes or No?

Q: Ever kissed someone on your friends list? Yes indeed.

Q: Been arrested? Nope

Q: Do you like someone? Yes I do.

Q: Held a snake? No... But I touched one at Gatorland

Q: Been suspended from school? Nope

Q: Sang karaoke? Yes I have.

Q: Laughed until you started crying? Yes of course

Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? I have

Q: Kissed in the rain? No I don't think I have...

Q: Sang in the shower? Who hasn't?

Q: Sat on the roof top? Yes I have.

Q: Been pushed into a pool with your clothes on? No... but I have fallen in because I tripped.

Q: Broken a bone? No, but I have sprained my ankle.

Q: Shaved your head? No.

Q: Played a prank on someone? Yes I have.

Q: Shot a gun? Do squirt guns count?

Q: Donated blood? No. Never. Never. Ever. No. No. No. I hate blood.

-LAST PERSON-

1. You hung out with? Stephie Bear. <3

2. You texted? Hodge

3. You were in the car with? Steph.

4. Went to the movies with? Mom?

5. Person you went to shop with? Steph and Morgan

6. You talked to on the phone? Today, Steph.

7. Are there 1 or 2 people you can always trust/rely on? Yes, thankfully.

8. Do you want to get married? Yes I do, but not right now.

9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? I Twirl.

10. What time is it? 12:48am

11. Are you afraid of commitment? No.

12. What is your hope or wish? To be incandescently happy and content with my life.

13. When is the last time you cooked? Too longgggggg.

14. Current mood? Happy

15.A good friend that you miss? Rachel Lunderville and Miranda Gamblin

-In the last 48 hours have you...-

1. Kissed someone? No...

2. Sang? I randomly breakout into song all the time.

3. Danced crazy? I'm known to breakout some dance moves...

4. Cried? Nope

-20 first-

1. Who was your first prom date? Kenny Scott!

2. Your first roommate? Stephanie Eyster and Gwen Cannon

3. What was your first job? Babysitting

4. When did you go to your first funeral or viewing? Mr. Weeks' funeral I believe.

5. Who was your 1st grade teacher? Ms. Q

6. Where did you go to your 1st ride on airplane? Not sure.. maybe Florida?

7. Who was your first best friend? Theresa Mequid

8. Who was your first best friend in middle school? Bethany Arrigo

9. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Mom or Dad

10. Who's wedding were you in the first time? I've never been apart of a wedding party.

11. Whats the first thing you did when you got up this morning? Went back to sleep for 15mins because I decided not to go to breakfast.

12. What was the 1st concert you went to? Aaron Carter I think.

13. What was the last concert you went to? Girl Talk!!

14. First tattoo or piercings? Ears

15. First celebrity crush? Daniel Radcliffe

16. Current celebrity crush? Joseph Gordon-Levitt

17. First crush? AJ Orf. First Grade.

18. Current Crush? I will never tell in a million years except if your name is either Stephanie Eyster, Mom, Morgan Gauthier, Gwen Cannon, Miranda Gamblin, etc.

19. First date? Livingston Park.

20. First time you tied your shoe laces? Kindergarten possibly.

-3 things you go by-

Ally

Al

Allycat

-3 things your wearing-

1. Black Leggings

2. My Yellow NY Empire State T-shirt

3. Orange Hair Band

-3 things you are doing right now.-

Blogging...

Stumblin'

Hanging out with Stephie Bear <3

-2 things you did last night-

Math Project.

Contemplated the Meaning of Life.