Voice Of Reason

I am so tired.
Mentally tired.
Physically I could be awake for days.
I don't think I ever feel asleep last night.
I was in a half state.
Like my body was sleeping.
But my brain was like in a coma.
Aware of itself, but couldn't function.

That sounds so bizarre to me and I'm the one who typed it.

I feel sick.
Sick to my stomach.
I can't handle lying.
I don't lie.
If I ever do, I'm pretty terrible at it and the truth eventually comes out.

I'm just over it.
He, of all people, is the last person that needs to be lied about.
He will be a speck on your radar.
On everyone's radar.
Just like he is on mine.
It's an annoying speck.
All black and unpleasing to look at.
But in reality, it's just a speck.
That's all it ever truly was.

The world does not revolve around one person.
It revolves around the sun.
Which is part of our solar system.
Which is in the Milky Way Galaxy.
Which is a small part of our Universe.
And what do you look like?
Oh yeah, a speck.


I'm not trying to be negative.
I've been negative for a few days now.
It's not kosher.
The highlights have been:
Hanging with Stephie and Juhbronie.
Tourne-ing potatoes.
Reading.
Talking to my mother.

Oh that reminds me.
My mother.
Mom, I know you are reading this.
And you are right.
It is easy to kick people when they are down
And to bombard them with issues that have been festering for a while.
I have done this too much recently
And the quote you gave me, made me realize that.
I'm just upset, as you well know.
And I didn't mean to disappoint you or dad if I have.
This was just the only outlet I could find on such a short notice.
Which is silly, because I know lots of people I care about read this.
And I don't want this to reflect poorly on me either.
You always know the right things to say to me.
Whether I actually want to hear it or not.
Generally I do.
I just miss you.
You are my voice of reason
And I dislike you being in a different country and so far from me.
16 days, I believe.

"Remember, it's easy to kick people when they are down.
It's easy to sit in judgement of others.
Sometimes we all need to look in the mirror **and make sure it's not after you take a shower, so the Fog doesn't cloud your vision!!
"For Unto Us a Child is Born, Unto us A Son is Given, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."
Please notice it ends "Prince of Peace," not "Prince of Drama.""

- mom