Such A Smiling Sweetheart

So much information is being thrown at me.
I can't sort it properly because it's coming in way to quickly.
It feels like I'm hardly retaining anything.
Or maybe I'm just over thinking it.
I don't like going to class at 1pm and then not getting out until 7pm
It's so dark outside.
Where did my day go?

This is called a Strip Loin.
Those are just two of my knives.

I turned it into steaks.
The average steak weight was about 11 1/2oz.
16oz in 1lb.
You do the math.

* We did tenderloins also, I just forgot to take a picture.

I don't like being in the meat room.
It's like a dungeon.
With no windows.
And freezing beyond belief.
There are dead animals hanging in the cooler.
And blood is everywhere, all the time.

Probably right now, your thinking to yourself:
She needs to suck it up.
It's not that bad.
Just don't think about it.
or my current favorite "Why the hell did you choose culinary then?"

Yeah I know.
But I can't help it.
I like a burger just as much as anyone.
Probably a lot more than some people.
But looking at an animal, skinned, trimmed, and gutted, just doesn't do it for me.
I can do without this, personally.
Just give me the baby, I don't wanna know about the labor.

You know what I want the most?
I want a confidant of my own.
I want someone I can turn to and they will just listen.
That they aren't just waiting for their turn to speak.
I know I have Steph.
I know I can go to her, because she knows me the best out of everyone.
We were friends first.
But she has crap she is dealing with too.
I don't want to unload all my crap onto what she is already dealing with.
But then again, I would feel guilty if I had someone.
Because all I would do is talk about how sad I am.
Or lonely.
Or angry.
I'm too sensitive to people in that way.
The entire time I would be telling you something, I would be uncomfortable.
I can be the confidant.
But it's so hard to open up to someone else.
I'm just overly cautious at times.
I don't know why.
This blog helps soothe some of it.
But not all of it.
Because people are reading this.
Making their own opinions about how I'm either the nicest person in the world, or that I really need to stop whining about much I need a hug, to be more then a hug.
For a smile, to be more then a smile.

Eric Hodge.
You jinxed me when you said "everyone cuts themselves."
I hope your happy.
But then again, it's not like you actually care enough to read this.

Knife Casualties: 1