When You're Singin' In Your Sleep.

I was going to dedicate this blog about lamenting the fact that all of my close friends I have at the moment will be away on externship on my birthday and I will be completely alone.
Which sucks a lot.
Cry, cry, cry.
Poor me.
Alright.

But I just can't!
I'm just so happy right now.
I can't believe how much love and acceptance I have been getting recently from my friends and family.
To know that they are reading this blog.
Listening to what I'm saying and then responding to it.
The feeling is indescribable.
But it's so humbling and warm...
I know that's kind of awkward to say, but I'm not actually used to it.
I mean, I'm used to my family being there for me, but not to this magnitude.
Or maybe just because I'm away from home I'm noticing it more.
I don't know.
One things for sure, I'm not used to having friends be there.
In high school I had only a few friends I considered myself "close"with.
In retrospect I had more acquaintances then anything.
So I did have something of a support system, but nothing like this.
This just feels different.
And I prefer it.
The sad thing is, I haven't spoken to a majority of the people I used to consider friends in the longest time.
I guess in college you really do find out who your true friends are.

Anyways.
What I'm trying to say is, thank you.
I let lots of people into my life.
But hardly do they ever make a ripple in my line of vision.
In your case, if your reading this, you have either made a ripple or just cannon balled yourself right in.

I don't say it often enough to the people I care about, I think.
And I don't want you to take it wrong.
Regardless if you are family, a new friend, a old friend, used to be more or might be something more tomorrow.
I love you.
And I can't imagine a world without ever knowing you.
If you are reading this, it means that you care enough about me, to want to know what I'm thinking.
And I appreciate you so much for that.
You know who you are.
Thanks for making such a big splash.
It means the world to me.
I don't know how else to say it.

I have been dealing with a sense of sadness recently.
A loneliness that feels like a itch I just can't scratch sometimes.
So has my friend Eric.
I have been trying to help him to the best of my abilities, to be there for him and be the best friend I could possibly be for him, but I know from experience that sometimes, that isn't enough.
I think as Humans, we crave a certain companionship.
An unconditional love and devotion to someone else and to have that same devotion given back to us.
That is sometimes very hard to find.
Especially if your as picky as me.
So I found a solution.
Instead of relentlessly searching and becoming upset if I can't find anything,
I will become my own personal beacon of happiness.
Let me explain:

Why should I let anyone dictate my happiness, besides myself?
If they do, you give them power over you.
That isn't good.
Or healthy for that matter.
You are your own person.
You wake up each and every day with the knowledge that it can either be a good day or a bad day.
Don't let the little things get you down.
So you stubbed your toe.
Fine.
Swear loudly and curse at the wind for your temporary misfortune.
But just because that happened, doesn't mean it's going to be a bad day.
Or you run into someone that you never want to talk to or see ever again.
Just because you saw or talked to this person doesn't mean your going to have a bad day.
It's all about positive attitudes.
Brush it off.
It already happened.
There is nothing you can do about it, so don't mope around thinking "woe is me, my life sucks..."
Because it doesn't.
Know why?
Know why??
Because I'm in your life, it can't suck that bad.

Why waste away your happiness and life, being sad?
It's no fun.
Life is what you make of it.
That is what I've realized this week.
You wanna eat that extra piece of pie?
You go right ahead.
Ex-girlfriend got you down?
Ignore her, you are better off without her.
2am trip to White Castle, which is an hour and a half away, because one of your friends has the munchies?
Why not?! It will make a great story to tell one day.

Morel of the story?
You are worth all the happiness in the world.
So stop waiting for something to happen.
Go out and get it.
You might not find it right away.
But if you keep your eyes open as far as they will go, you'll find something eventually.