And I'll Be Happier...

I have to admit something.
I woke up this morning in not the best spirits.
(This was after my 7am gastro class, I came back home to sleep more. So it was the second time I woke up)
Thoughts were zipping through my head like race cars.
Mean thoughts.
Well... not exactly mean.
More like realistic.


Realistic meaning "never-gonna-happen".

It was quite depressing.
I didn't know who I was more sad/mad at.
Myself or the other party.
I still haven't decided.
I was going to smear this person up one side and down the other in complete honesty, but I actually like talking to this person on a regular basis, so I decided not to.

I guess in a way it's my own fault.
When I have friends or I make friends I instantly become very loyal to them.
I treat everyone as nice as possible, because that is ultimately how I wished to be treated.
I have had experiences in the past when my loyalty and friendship have slapped me in the face, but that is a whole other can of worms that I don't wish to rehash because I'm still hurting from those.
But back to the topic at hand:
I should have been more upfront and honest with this person.
But I just couldn't.
I wouldn't let myself be open.
It's a reoccurring problem with me, this loyalty/friendship thing.
I put everyone else's happiness before mine.
And look what has happened now..
I was right to be so guarded.
I didn't want to be right, and that was what I was trying to avoid.

I voiced this all to my friend Chris. (obviously with more detail, but whatever.)
Chris said that this person was a bit of a bum
When I asked if I was nice, he replied "Very nice."
When I asked if I was funny, he replied "Of course."
And I also asked if there was something wrong with me.
He replied "Not at all. I think it's this person who has the problem. You could do much better."

So thanks to Chris... I don't feel all that sad anymore.
In fact, I'm feeling better than I have in days.