Merry Birthday Time

This past Wednesday was my birthday.
It was one of the best I've ever had and I am blessed to call the people I celebrated it with, my friends.

I'm graduating in a few weeks.
I'm feeling a little bittersweet about it though.
I am over the moon excited and proud of myself about it, but the thought of being separated from all the people that made this year so special, will be very hard.

My mother made a suggestion that I go back to this time last year and look at the blog entries from then.
It's funny that I can look back to exactly a year ago, and know exactly what I'm talking about.
Last year I was very sad.
I was lonely, scared, and I didn't feel like I had a friend to turn to.
The friends I thought were my friends, ended up not being my friends at all.
Going on Externship was so scary and daunting, I literally had mini panic attacks because I was so anxious.
I remember last year about being happy that it was my birthday, but having no one to spend it with was not fun.
It's was not the best time in my life.
Actually, I would much rather forget large parts of the school year.
It wasn't emotionally, physically, and mentally good for me.
To be honest, it is slightly painful to think back to some of the events that happened last year.

It's because I know so much more about myself now, then I did back then.
I think about the shy girl that so desperately wanted to be the "better" version of herself.
The more adult and mature version.
A version that had no intention of appearing anytime that year.
But even though I know all the answers and I now know how to remedy the catastrophe that was last year, I would never go back.
Without all those events, ruined relationships with people, and just general awfulness, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
I wouldn't know which choices to make that would make me the happiest I could be.
Last year felt like a year were I was trying to please the people I had surrounded myself with and dealing with the hand that I was dealt.
I have learned so much about myself.
That you must first love yourself and know what you want out of any relationship you encounter before anything should start.
I also know that no one could ever pay me enough money to relive that year.
It was terrible, I was unhappy, and I have moved on.

This year has yet to finish, so I feel like I can't fairly compare it to last year.
I'll keep you updated.