~.~.~.~
Start with a "why".
Why am I sad?
Because I feel abandoned.
Why does this abandonment hurt?
Because it feeds off my fear of trusting people with my emotions and feelings.
Why do I have a fear of trusting people?
Because I have been hurt badly by people in the past and now also in the present.
~.~.~.~
I categorize myself to be a very passionate and emotional person.
I choke up during movies and sentimental things all the time.
When I get angry, I clam up and become flustered and upset.
When I love, I give it my absolute all.
And when love ends, whatever kind of love it is, the pain of abandonment overwhelms and confuses me.
This past year has been a time of immense highs and lows for me.
And now I am feeling all the aftershock of a love lost.
I don't actually like talking about my problems or feelings.
I only do when I feel completely secure with that person and even then it is still difficult.
I have a difficult time trusting people.
The hurt I have experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone.
It is a terrible thing to loose trust.
And I hope you never experience it.
When I do finally open up, it means something to me.
It's feels like solid ground that I can stand on without the fear of it giving away underneath me.
But when that trust dissipates or goes away, so does the solid ground.
And I find myself in free fall... again.
Maybe one day I will find it easier to trust people.
But for now I am going to need your help.
Know that I will always have your back, regardless of whatever happens.
I just need to know that you have my back as well.
~.~.~.~
Support is most welcomed, in any form.
A note.
A shoulder.
A hug.
I don't care as long as it is something that you want to give from you to me.
